Men's Mental Health in BC: Why It's So Hard to Ask for Help — and Why You Should

If you're a man in British Columbia who's been struggling — with stress, anxiety, anger, grief, relationship problems, or just a general sense that something is off — and you haven't talked to anyone about it, you're not unusual. You're in the majority.

Men in BC, like men everywhere, are far less likely than women to seek mental health support. Not because they're struggling less. Research consistently shows the opposite. It's because the barriers are different — and because the way mental health is often talked about doesn't speak to how most men actually experience their inner lives.

This post is an honest conversation about men's mental health — what gets in the way of getting help, what therapy actually involves for men who try it, and why the evidence says it's worth it.

The Numbers Tell a Hard Story

In Canada, men account for approximately 75% of suicide deaths. They're less likely to be in therapy, less likely to discuss mental health struggles with a doctor, and less likely to tell friends or family when they're not doing well. According to the World Health Organization, the gender gap in suicide is one of the most consistent findings in global mental health research.

The American Psychological Association has identified a clear pattern: men often experience depression and anxiety differently than women — more through irritability, risk-taking, overworking, and physical symptoms than through the sadness and tearfulness that tend to be associated with mental health struggles in public conversation. This means men's suffering often goes unrecognized — by others, and by themselves.

Why Men in BC Don't Seek Help

When I ask men who've finally come to therapy what stopped them from coming sooner, I hear versions of the same things:

• → "I should be able to handle this myself." The belief that needing support is a sign of weakness — something to be ashamed of rather than something human.
• → "I don't know how to talk about feelings." Many men were never taught the language of emotional experience. Sitting across from someone and being asked "how do you feel?" can feel uncomfortable, even threatening.
• → "Therapy is for people who are really struggling." The assumption that you need to have hit some kind of rock bottom before help is justified. You don't.
• → "I don't want to talk about my childhood." The belief that all therapy is about lying on a couch and reliving your past. It isn't.
• → "What would people think?" The fear that others — especially other men — would see seeking help as a sign of weakness.

These aren't irrational fears. They come from real cultural messages that most men have absorbed over a lifetime. But they're also, in most cases, worth questioning — because they're keeping a lot of men in unnecessary pain.

What Therapy for Men Actually Looks Like

Good therapy for men isn't about forcing you to process emotions in ways that feel foreign. It's about meeting you where you are — and working on what matters to you, in a way that makes sense for how you think and communicate.

Many men find that approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and IFS (Internal Family Systems) work particularly well — because they're less about talking through your feelings indefinitely and more about understanding patterns, processing specific experiences, and building practical skills for navigating what's hard.

Common things men work on in therapy include:

• → Stress and burnout — the kind that's been building for years and is starting to show up in your body, your sleep, and your relationships
• → Anger and reactivity — not just managing it, but understanding what's underneath it
• → Relationship difficulties — communication patterns, emotional distance, conflict that keeps repeating
• → Trauma and past experiences — especially for men who've worked in first responder roles, served in the military, or grown up in difficult environments
• → Identity and purpose — the kind of questions that tend to surface around major life transitions: career changes, separation, becoming a father, losing a parent
• → Addictions and substance use — often connected to stress, trauma, or numbing something that hasn't been named yet

Why Virtual Therapy Removes a Key Barrier

One of the practical barriers for men seeking therapy in BC is visibility. Walking into a therapist's office — where people might see you — feels different from opening your laptop at home. For many men, virtual therapy significantly lowers the threshold to getting started.

At TEO Counselling, all sessions are virtual, which means you can access support from anywhere in British Columbia — in Nanaimo, Victoria, Vancouver, Kelowna, or a remote community — without leaving your home. Sessions are available evenings and weekends, so they fit around work and family commitments.

The Strength in Asking for Help

There's a version of strength that looks like never needing anything from anyone. Carrying it alone. Pushing through. Most men have been raised to see this as the ideal.

But there's another kind of strength — the kind that says: I notice something isn't working, and I'm willing to do something about it. That kind of strength is rarer. And, ultimately, far more powerful.

I'm Mohamad Shabib, MACP, CCC — a therapist who works with men navigating stress, trauma, relationship difficulties, and the weight of trying to hold everything together. The first conversation is free and completely confidential. Individual sessions are $150/hour, with a sliding scale starting at $110 for those who need it.

If any of this resonated — even a little — it might be worth a conversation. You've got nothing to lose from 20 minutes on a video call. And possibly quite a bit to gain.