Mohamad Shabib
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) · September 17, 2026
To quit porn addiction, or compulsive porn use, work on what the urge does for you rather than on willpower alone: decide what stopping means to you, track what comes before urges, add friction, plan for slips and, when you are ready, let one safe person in. If it keeps outrunning your efforts, or costs you sleep, work, money or a relationship, that is a reasonable point to see a qualified professional.
"Porn addiction" is the phrase people search, not a formal diagnosis. The World Health Organization's International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) calls it compulsive sexual behaviour disorder and places it among impulse control disorders, alongside kleptomania and pyromania, not with disorders due to addictive behaviours (WHO, ICD-11, 6C72). The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) does not include it (Briken et al., 2024).
Shame after a slip, or after someone finds out, can get very heavy. If you are thinking about suicide or harming yourself, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada, 24/7). If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911.
Briken and colleagues describe treatment focused on the functions, including non-sexual ones, that the behaviour serves, starting with stabilization, motivation and self-management. The steps below borrow that logic; they are not a protocol, and Ince and colleagues note that more research is needed on which parts of it do the work.
Antons and colleagues say whether the aim is abstinence or controlled use can be the person's own decision. Your goal can come from your faith, your values or your own sense of enough.
Briken and colleagues' case formulation for clinicians includes identifying emotional, cognitive and behavioural triggers, and maintenance factors such as lifestyle and routines. Note the time, place, device and mood, and ask what the urge is doing for you: easing stress, keeping loneliness at bay, filling the end of a long day — then what else could do part of that job. Keep the notes brief and private, and if tracking turns into constant self-checking, talk it through with a professional.
Small barriers can put time between an urge and acting on it: charging your phone outside the bedroom, logging out of accounts, a blocker you choose. Ince and colleagues describe blockers as proposed aids still being tested, so treat them as friction, not a fix.
Ince and colleagues note that stigma may hinder help-seeking, and members of the forum Fernandez and colleagues studied described social support as helping; neither shows that telling someone will reduce use. Choose someone likely to respond with care. If your faith or family makes this unsafe to talk about, a therapist can be that person; if telling someone could put you at risk, plan it with a professional first.
Relapse prevention research from substance use counts negative emotional states and environmental cues among high-risk situations. It treats lapses as temporary setbacks that offer a chance to learn: decide in advance what you will do in the hour after a slip — who to contact, what helps you settle and, once you are calmer, what led up to it. If shame after a slip turns into thoughts of ending your life, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada, 24/7).
Not because you are weak-willed. Several things hold the pattern in place:
ICD-11 describes a persistent pattern of failing to control intense, repetitive sexual urges that causes marked distress or impairment. That is a description, not a self-test: only a professional qualified to diagnose, such as a physician or psychologist, can assess whether a diagnosis applies; TEO's therapists do not diagnose. Our therapy page covers the signs that porn use has become compulsive. ICD-11 also notes that medications and substances can impair control over sexual urges; if the change began after a new medication, talk to your prescriber before changing it.
It can be either, or both. Distress can come from losing control, or from moral incongruence: feeling that your behaviour and your values do not line up. ICD-11 says distress entirely related to moral judgements and disapproval about sexual behaviour is not enough, on its own, to meet the diagnosis's distress requirement, and asks clinicians to check whether control is impaired when someone calls it an addiction on moral or religious grounds.
A review by Grubbs and Perry links moral incongruence about internet porn use with more distress and more perceived addiction (Grubbs and Perry, 2019). That does not mean the struggle is imagined, or that faith is the problem: in a US national survey, Grubbs, Kraus and Perry found self-reported addiction was tied both to how much people used porn and to how they judged it morally (Grubbs, Kraus and Perry, 2019).
None of this says your values are wrong; it concerns when a clinical label fits. If your faith asks you to abstain, that goal is yours to set. Where the struggle is mainly a values conflict without excessive use, Antons and colleagues suggest focusing less on the behaviour and more on reducing shame and guilt (Antons et al., 2022) — a point about where treatment puts its focus, not about talking you out of your values. Briken and colleagues oppose interventions that increase stigma, including a therapist unilaterally prohibiting porn or masturbation, applying an addiction model built on abstinence, or imposing their own moral or religious values; that works both ways.
If your main struggle is unwanted, repeating fears about sin, and you repeat prayers, ablutions or confession until they feel right, see our guide to scrupulosity, a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). If guilt, shame and faith sit at the centre, see spiritually integrated therapy. TEO's therapists do not give religious rulings: what your faith asks of you belongs with a faith leader you trust, and therapy can sit alongside prayer, repentance or ruqyah.
The research does not settle it, and the study below is of a different forum, not NoFap itself. In one hundred and four abstinence journals by men on Reboot Nation, abstinence was described as very challenging because of habits and cravings set off by cues. Members described benefits they put down to abstaining, and credited coping strategies and social support with helping (Fernandez, Kuss and Griffiths, 2021). The authors say those benefits cannot yet be credited to abstinence alone, and the sample may overrepresent people it helped.
The same authors caution that abstinence without coping skills for cravings and lapses could potentially do more harm than good — a reason to build those skills alongside an abstinence goal, not to drop the goal. If a broken streak leaves you feeling worthless, talk to someone you trust or a professional; if you are thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada, 24/7).
If you are supporting an adult you love, the change has to be theirs: Briken and colleagues list a partner's pressure among barriers to improvement. That does not mean staying silent, and your hurt counts in its own right. If the person is under 18, start with their family doctor or a clinician who works with young people.
Treatment research is still developing: Antons and colleagues found symptom reductions among treated people and considerable evidence for approaches including cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but said varied measures, treatments and study quality mean strong conclusions should be drawn cautiously. Briken and colleagues note it is mainly Western and largely with cisgender heterosexual men.
At TEO Counselling, Mohamad Shabib, MACP, CCC, a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) with the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO), leads this work online, in English or Arabic, with clients in British Columbia, Ontario, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Newfoundland and Labrador. He is trained in Motivational Interviewing, a collaborative way of exploring your own reasons for change, and in CBT for Addictions, alongside the IFS, EMDR and CBT-informed work the therapy page describes. More on what sessions cover is on our page on porn addiction therapy.
TEO does not offer sex therapy, medication, couples emotionally focused therapy (EFT) or OCD-specialist treatment, and the free 15-minute consultation can help point you elsewhere. Individual sessions are $150 and couples sessions $175 per 60 minutes, with no referral needed; the consultation is by video or a scheduled phone call, booked online.
This article is general information, not a diagnosis and not a substitute for professional help.
Pick one step: next time an urge shows up, write down the time, where you are and what you are feeling. To talk it through, book a free consultation, or text (519) 760-5211 with a question first. This text line is not a crisis service: if you are thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada, 24/7).
Decide what stopping means to you, whether abstinence or controlled use; note the time, place, device and mood before each urge; work out what the urge is doing for you, such as easing stress or keeping loneliness at bay, and what else could do part of that job; add friction, such as a blocker you choose; plan what you will do after a slip; and, when you are ready, tell one person likely to respond with care. These steps borrow from published treatment research but are not a treatment protocol. If it keeps outrunning your efforts, a qualified professional can help you look at what is going on. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada, 24/7).
Treat it as information rather than a verdict. Relapse prevention research from substance use describes lapses as temporary setbacks that offer a chance to learn, and describes the abstinence violation effect: treating one slip as personal failure, which can lead to guilt and abandoning the goal (Hendershot and colleagues, 2011). Decide in advance what the hour after a slip looks like, including who you could contact, what helps you settle and, once you are calmer, what led up to it, then go back to tracking. If shame after a slip turns into thoughts of ending your life, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada, 24/7).
It can be either, or both, and only a professional qualified to diagnose, such as a physician or psychologist, can assess whether a diagnosis applies. The World Health Organization's ICD-11 says distress entirely related to moral judgements and disapproval about sexual behaviour is not enough, on its own, to meet the distress requirement for compulsive sexual behaviour disorder, and asks clinicians to check whether control is impaired. A review by Grubbs and Perry links moral incongruence, feeling that your behaviour and values do not line up, with more perceived addiction; Grubbs, Kraus and Perry also found self-reported addiction was tied both to how much people used porn and to how they judged it morally. The rule is about when a clinical label fits. It makes no judgement on your values, and distress about acting against them is worth talking through. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada, 24/7).
The research does not settle it, and the study below is of a different forum, not NoFap itself. In one hundred and four abstinence journals by men on Reboot Nation, abstinence was described as very challenging because of habits and cravings set off by cues; members described benefits they put down to abstaining, and credited coping strategies and social support with helping. The authors say those benefits cannot yet be credited to abstinence alone, that the sample may overrepresent people it helped, and that abstinence without coping skills for cravings and lapses could potentially do more harm than good. That is a reason to build those skills alongside an abstinence goal, not a reason to drop the goal. Whether you aim for abstinence or controlled use is your decision.
Say what you have noticed and how it has affected you, ask what they want to change, and leave the plan with them. Avoid holding their passwords or checking their devices, which puts their self-control in your hands; Briken and colleagues list a partner's pressure among barriers to improvement. Get support for yourself too. If you are being pressured into sexual acts you do not want, recorded or shared without consent, threatened or controlled, your safety comes first, and a sexual assault or family violence service can help you plan. If you find sexual material involving children, do not copy or share it; report it to Cybertip.ca or the police, and call 911 if a child is in immediate danger. If either of you is thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada, 24/7).
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