CBT · Attachment Patterns · Virtual · Six Provinces
CBT for Anxious & Avoidant Attachment
An attachment pattern is not only a feeling. It is also a set of thoughts and moves you make under relational stress — what you tell yourself when a reply does not come, and what you do next. Cognitive behavioural therapy works on exactly that layer.
Free 15–20 minute consultation · No referral needed · Sessions noon–9pm Pacific, seven days
At a glance
TEO Counselling Services uses cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) tools within attachment-focused therapy for anxious and avoidant patterns, delivered entirely online — not as a branded programme, but alongside approaches that reach a pattern's origins. In British Columbia the work is typically provided by Alison Shaji (MA Clinical Psychology, RCC), trained in CBT, DBT and Emotionally Focused Family Therapy; and in all six provinces — Ontario, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Newfoundland & Labrador and British Columbia — by Mohamad Shabib (MACP, CCC, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) with the CRPO), whose CBT training is trauma-focused and who also works with IFS and EMDR. Individual sessions are $150 per 60-minute session, couples sessions are $175, and the first step is a free 15–20 minute consultation with no referral needed.
The pattern, in thoughts and behaviours
CBT's working assumption is simple: a pattern survives on what you think and what you then do. These are descriptions to recognise yourself in or not — not a diagnosis, and most people are not purely one or the other.
Anxious
The thoughts are catastrophic readings of ordinary ambiguity: they read it and didn't reply — I've done something; if this doesn't get resolved tonight it will be gone by morning. The behaviours follow: checking, re-reading the thread, sending the second and third message, seeking reassurance that wears off quickly, keeping an argument open because an unresolved ending feels unbearable.
Avoidant
The thoughts run the other way: I'm fine on my own; this is becoming a lot; an ordinary bid for closeness reads as a demand arriving. The behaviours are quieter: going silent under intensity, becoming suddenly busy, stepping back precisely when a relationship deepens, staying calm and reasonable in a conflict while quietly leaving it.
Where the patterns come from — and the disorganised and secure patterns — are covered on our attachment-based therapy page.
How CBT tools apply to an attachment pattern
To be straightforward: there is no branded “CBT for attachment” protocol here — only well-worn CBT tools that map cleanly onto what these patterns do, used inside attachment-focused work.
Thought records, for the catastrophic interpretations
The reading — silence means it's over, their need means I'm trapped — gets written down and treated as a hypothesis rather than a fact: what is the evidence, what else could explain the same event, and what happened the last ten times this thought showed up? This is not positive thinking; it is accuracy.
Behavioural experiments, for the checking, testing and withdrawing
Checking, reassurance-seeking and withdrawal share a mechanism: they relieve the moment and protect the belief, because you never find out what would have happened without them. An experiment makes that discovery deliberately — not sending the second text, or saying the need out loud instead of going quiet, once, with a written prediction attached.
Exposure, for tolerating uncertainty
Both patterns are, underneath, strategies for escaping uncertainty — one by resolving it right now, one by needing nothing from anyone. Exposure practises staying in it: sitting with an unanswered message without acting, or staying in a hard conversation past the usual exit point. Done gradually and with support, distress tends to rise, peak and fall, and tolerance can build.
When CBT alone is not the right tool
CBT works on the pattern's present tense — its strength and its limit. Plenty of people can complete a thought record perfectly and still feel the same dread when the phone stays dark, because the pattern is not held in the reasoning but anchored to earlier experiences: care that could not be counted on, or needs that were unwelcome.
When that is the shape of it, the work goes further down — EMDR for the memories the pattern is anchored to, Internal Family Systems for the part of you running the strategy, inner-child and psychodynamic work where the early material is the centre. The layers are usually worked together rather than chosen between. The full account of those approaches is on our attachment-based therapy page.
Who you would be working with
Alison Shaji, MA Clinical Psychology, RCC, is a Registered Clinical Counsellor in British Columbia. Her training spans both layers this page describes — CBT and DBT, alongside Emotionally Focused Family Therapy, an attachment-based model, inner-child work and psychoanalytic therapy. She works in English, Hindi or Malayalam, and sees British Columbia clients.
Mohamad Shabib, MACP, CCC, is a Canadian Certified Counsellor and a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) with the CRPO, and sees clients in all six provinces. His CBT training is specifically trauma-focused — CBT for Trauma, not general CBT training — so where a pattern traces to earlier experiences he works with IFS (Levels 1 and 2) and Advanced EMDR alongside those trauma-focused tools. Sessions in English or Arabic.
Rola Shbib, BSW (Hons), RSW, TEO's Registered Social Worker in Ontario, works on grief, crisis and addictions rather than this, and is reachable through the same consultation call.
Cost and practicalities
Individual sessions are $150 per 60-minute session; couples sessions are $175. The first conversation is free — 15 to 20 minutes, no referral needed.
No provincial health plan in Canada covers counselling in private practice. Many extended health plans reimburse part of the fee, and you receive an insurance-ready receipt after each session — TEO does not bill insurers directly. Payment is per session through Jane, cancellation is free with 24 hours' notice, and a small number of reduced-fee spots are held. The full table is on the fees page.
The practice is virtual only, with sessions seven days a week from noon to 9pm Pacific time.
Common questions
What is CBT for anxious attachment?
It is cognitive behavioural therapy applied to the thoughts and behaviours an anxious attachment pattern runs on — the catastrophic readings of an unanswered message, and the checking, re-texting and reassurance-seeking that follow them. At TEO Counselling it is not a branded programme; CBT tools are used inside attachment-focused work, alongside approaches such as EMDR, IFS and inner-child work that reach the pattern's origins.
Can CBT change an attachment style?
An attachment pattern is learned rather than innate, which is why it can be worked with. CBT contributes the day-to-day layer of that change: how you read a silence, what you do instead of checking or withdrawing, and how much uncertainty you can sit with. How far and how fast it moves varies between people, and a result or a timeline cannot honestly be promised in advance.
Do I need couples therapy or individual work?
Either can be the right route. If the pattern follows you across relationships, or you are single, individual work is the ordinary starting point — your partner does not need to attend. If it is playing out in one current relationship and both of you want to work on it, couples counselling is available at $175 per 60-minute session, using the Gottman Method — details are on our relationship counselling page.
What does it cost?
Individual sessions are $150 per 60-minute session and couples sessions are $175, with a free 15 to 20 minute consultation first. No provincial health plan in Canada covers counselling in private practice; many extended health plans reimburse part of the fee — check which designation your plan names. You pay per session through Jane and receive an insurance-ready receipt; TEO does not bill insurers directly. Cancellation is free with 24 hours' notice, and reduced-fee spots exist — ask at the consultation.
Which clinician would I see?
It depends on your province and what you are bringing — Mohamad Shabib sees clients in all six provinces, including British Columbia. In British Columbia you would typically work with Alison Shaji, MA Clinical Psychology, RCC — trained in CBT, DBT, Emotionally Focused Family Therapy, inner-child work and psychoanalytic therapy; sessions in English, Hindi or Malayalam. In Ontario, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba and Newfoundland and Labrador you would work with Mohamad Shabib, MACP, CCC, a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) with the CRPO, whose trauma-focused CBT training pairs with IFS and EMDR for patterns anchored to earlier experiences; sessions in English or Arabic. Rola Shbib, TEO's Registered Social Worker in Ontario, works on grief, crisis and addictions rather than this. Fit gets settled on the free consultation call.
More on the couples route is on our relationship counselling page.
If you need someone now
Therapy is not a crisis service. These are free and staffed around the clock:
- · 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline: call or text 9-8-8 (24/7)
- · Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868, or text CONNECT to 686868
- · Hope for Wellness Help Line: 1-855-242-3310 (24/7)
If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.
Related pages
- Attachment-based therapy — the hub for all four patterns
- Relationship counselling — when it plays out between two people
- EMDR therapy — for the memories a pattern is anchored to
- IFS therapy — for the part of you running the strategy
- Fees & insurance — the full fee table
Book a free 15–20 minute consultation
A short conversation about whether this work fits what the pattern is doing — no pressure, no commitment, and a straight answer either way.
Book Free ConsultationOr call (519) 760-5211