Infidelity & Affair Recovery Counselling
Marriage Counselling for Infidelity & Affair Recovery
The affair is not the whole story.
Virtual couples therapy for infidelity guided by the research-based Gottman Method — plus individual support for the betrayed partner or the partner who strayed. No blame, no sides. Serving BC, Ontario, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba & Newfoundland.
After the discovery, everything feels unsteady
Whether the affair surfaced this week or months ago, you are probably carrying more than you can sort out alone. The hurt partner cycles through rage, grief, and relentless questions; the partner who strayed carries shame, defensiveness, and fear that one choice now defines them.
Replaying the discovery and struggling to stop checking or questioning
Swinging between wanting to repair and wanting to leave
Shame or guilt so heavy that honest conversation feels impossible
Intrusive images, poor sleep, or panic — betrayal can act like trauma
Counselling gives you:
A structured process instead of the same argument on repeat
A neutral third person — no sides taken, no verdicts issued
Tools for triggers, flashbacks, and obsessive thoughts
Clarity about what happens next — together or apart
How affair recovery works: atone, attune, attach
The Gottman Institute's research-based three-phase model for healing after infidelity.
Phase 1 — Atone
The partner who had the affair answers questions honestly, listens without defensiveness, and expresses genuine remorse. The hurt partner's pain is witnessed, not argued with, and together you define what safety requires from here.
Phase 2 — Attune
Once the crisis settles, attention turns to the relationship itself — how conflict was handled and which needs went unspoken. Attunement rebuilds emotional connection and teaches a different way to talk about what hurts.
Phase 3 — Attach
The final phase renews commitment and intimacy on honest terms — building rituals of connection and a shared understanding that the affair belongs to your history, not your future.
Couples work is led by Mohamad Shabib, MACP, CCC — Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), CRPO — trained in Gottman Method Levels 1 & 2, EMDR, and Internal Family Systems, in English or Arabic. Meet Mohamad · About the Gottman Method
Couples counselling or individual support — or both
Couples therapy for infidelity
You attend together by video, working through the three phases at your own pace. Marriage counselling for infidelity is not about assigning blame — it is about telling the truth safely and deciding, together, what comes next.
Good for:
Individual affair-recovery counselling
You attend alone — as the hurt partner or the partner who had the affair. Betrayal can produce real trauma responses; guilt needs honest space of its own. Individual sessions are also available with Rola Shbib, BSW (Hons), RSW (Ontario) — trauma-informed, with a background in crisis work — or, for BC clients, Alison Shaji, MA Clinical Psychology, RCC (BCACC).
Good for:
Unsure which fits? Start with the free consultation — or explore our broader couples & relationship counselling.
Session details
Receipts provided after every session; reimbursement depends on the designation your plan covers (CCC, RCC, RSW or Registered Psychotherapist), and direct billing is available with Mohamad and Alison for some plans. See our fees & insurance page.
Is the relationship repairable?
Sometimes, yes. The Gottman Institute’s affair-recovery model exists because some couples who do the work in order rebuild a relationship that is more honest than the one they had. Sometimes the healthiest outcome is different: the real work becomes ending well — with dignity, clear agreements, and workable co-parenting where children are involved.
No ethical therapist will promise you a saved marriage, and we will not either. What we offer is a fair process: both partners heard, nothing rushed, and any decision made with open eyes rather than in the fog of crisis.
What happens in marriage counselling for infidelity?
Marriage counselling for infidelity is couples therapy built specifically around an affair — structured disclosure, rebuilding safety, and a clear-eyed decision about the future — rather than general communication coaching.
In practice, that changes how sessions run. The midnight interrogation that keeps repeating at home is replaced with structured conversations: the hurt partner's questions get real answers, at an agreed pace, without the defensive spiral. Ground rules come early — full honesty about any remaining contact with the affair partner, no new revelations dripped out over months, and no pressure on either of you to declare a decision before you are ready to make one.
The work also does not stop at the affair. Once the crisis steadies, the same sessions turn toward the marriage that surrounded it — how conflict was handled, which needs went unspoken — because that is what makes staying worth choosing. That longer arc is the territory of our broader couples & relationship counselling, and some couples move into it once the acute phase settles.
Everything happens by video across British Columbia, Ontario, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba and Newfoundland & Labrador — and in the raw weeks after discovery, each partner can join the same session from a separate home.
When infidelity is part of a larger pattern
Some affairs are a devastating one-time rupture in an otherwise workable relationship. Others sit inside a pattern: repeated betrayals, denial in the face of clear evidence, and blame turned back on you — being told you are paranoid, controlling, or imagining things.
That second pattern changes the work. Cycles of betrayal followed by intense reconciliation can create what is often called a trauma bond — an attachment that tightens precisely because of the push and pull, and can make leaving feel harder than staying. Where manipulation is ongoing, couples sessions are not the starting point; individual counselling comes first, so you have one room where your reality is not being managed.
If that reads closer to your story than a single affair does, our narcissistic abuse therapy page describes that work in depth — including trauma bonds and rebuilding after leaving.
Therapy for trust issues
Trust is the part people expect to come back on its own once the apologies are made, and it is the part that does not. Therapy for trust issues after an affair treats trust as something with components rather than a feeling to wait for: honesty about any remaining contact, transparency that is offered rather than demanded, and reliability measured over weeks — the small promises kept, the phone that no longer needs guarding. Sessions give the hurt partner a structured place to ask what they need to ask without being told they are obsessing, and the partner who strayed a structured way to answer without sliding into defence.
Some of this is couples work, because trust is rebuilt between two people. Some of it is individual: the hurt partner learning to tell the difference between a real warning sign and an old one firing, and the partner who had the affair working out what they are actually willing to change. Trust issues also outlive relationships. If a betrayal in a previous relationship is shaping how you enter the next one — checking, testing, leaving first — that is a legitimate reason to book on your own, in any of the six provinces we serve.
Betrayal trauma
The phrase betrayal trauma comes from psychologist Jennifer Freyd’s work on harm done by someone a person depends on (University of Oregon); it is now used more broadly for what discovering an affair can do to the person who was deceived. It is a description, not a diagnosis, and counsellors do not diagnose. What it describes is recognisable: intrusive images of the affair, scanning for the next lie, sleep that will not settle, the compulsion to check a phone or re-read a message, and a body that reacts before the mind has caught up — responses that can look like those seen after other frightening events.
That changes the order of the work. Steadiness comes first — grounding, sleep, a way through the checking loop — before the memory itself is approached. Where the discovery keeps intruding, trauma-focused work such as EMDR is used directly rather than talked around: Mohamad Shabib holds Advanced EMDR training through an EMDRIA-approved programme and sees clients in all six provinces; Alison Shaji is EMDR-trained and works with clients in British Columbia. A therapist for betrayal trauma is not an alternative to the couples process; the two can run side by side, at a pace the hurt partner sets. Our trauma therapy page describes that approach in full.
Infidelity counselling — common questions
Can a marriage survive infidelity?
Some do, and some end well instead. The Gottman Institute’s affair-recovery model is built on the premise that a marriage can be rebuilt after infidelity when both partners do the work in order — atone, attune, attach. No therapist can promise that outcome; counselling provides a safe, methodical way to do the repair work and reach a clear decision.
Should we do couples therapy or individual counselling?
They serve different purposes, and some clients combine them. Couples sessions ($175 per 60-minute session) work on the relationship itself; individual sessions ($150 per 60-minute session) give either partner private space to process shock, trauma responses, or guilt.
What if my partner refuses to come?
Start on your own. Individual counselling helps you steady yourself, understand what happened, and work out what you need next — whether or not your partner ever attends. Some partners join later, once they see the process is about repair, not blame.
Does online couples therapy work for affair recovery?
Yes. Video sessions follow the same structured, Gottman-based process — disclosure at an agreed pace, ground rules, and the three phases in order — and both partners can join the same session from separate locations, which matters in the weeks after discovery when living apart is common. What the format cannot do is substitute for honesty; that part is the same on video as anywhere else.
Will my insurance cover infidelity counselling?
Reimbursement depends on the designation your plan covers (CCC, RCC, RSW or Registered Psychotherapist), so check your plan against the clinician you would see. Direct billing is available with Mohamad and Alison for Pacific Blue Cross, CVAP and plans on the TELUS eClaims network (Canada Life and Manulife among them); where your plan is not one we can bill, you receive an insurance-ready receipt after every session to submit yourself. No provincial health plan covers counselling in private practice.
Is marriage counselling for infidelity confidential?
Yes. What either of you shares stays with your therapist, apart from the narrow limits Canadian law places on every counsellor: a risk of serious harm to yourself or someone else, a child in need of protection, or a court order or subpoena. Nothing is shared with anyone else without your written consent, and those limits are explained again in your first session.
How long does affair recovery take?
There is no honest fixed number. The atonement phase alone can take months, and rushing it works against the repair. Some couples reach a stable decision within a few months of weekly sessions; others need longer. The pace is set by the hurt partner’s readiness, not the calendar — and we will be straight with you about how it is going.
Can therapy help with trust issues after an affair?
Therapy for trust issues works on the specific things trust is made of — honesty about remaining contact, transparency you did not have to demand, and reliability over weeks rather than a single promise. Sessions give the hurt partner a structured place to ask what they need to ask, and the partner who strayed a structured way to answer without the defensive spiral. It cannot guarantee trust returns; it makes the conditions for it visible and checkable.
Is betrayal trauma a real diagnosis?
No. Betrayal trauma is a description, not a diagnosis, and counsellors do not diagnose. It describes the response some people have after discovering an affair — intrusive images, hypervigilance, disturbed sleep, the compulsion to check — which can resemble a trauma response. The work is trauma-informed: steadiness first, then the memory itself where it keeps intruding, using EMDR with Mohamad or, for BC clients, Alison.
A free tool for this
The Rebuilding Trust Workbook is a free printable that lays out the repair sequence for couples who have decided to try — it does not tell you whether to stay, and it is written to be useful either way.
If you need someone now
Therapy is not a crisis service. These are free and staffed around the clock:
- · 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline: call or text 9-8-8 (24/7)
- · Kids Help Phone (for young people): 1-800-668-6868, or text CONNECT to 686868
- · Hope for Wellness Help Line: 1-855-242-3310 (24/7)
If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.
No blame. No verdicts. Just a way forward.
Book a free 15-minute consultation — together or on your own — and find out whether this process fits. Evening and weekend appointments across six provinces.
Book Free ConsultationPrefer individual support? Book a Free Consultation · Or call (519) 760-5211