Getting to Know Your Procrastinator

What this is

About the workbook

The part that delays is rarely idle — it is usually protecting something. This is a two-page between-sessions practice for getting curious about the part of you that stalls, half-starts, or holds out for a readiness that never quite arrives: what job it is doing, what it dreads about the thing being done and in front of other people, and what it needs from you now. It is not a productivity system; it is a way of listening to the delay.

It sits in the same family as Getting to Know Your Inner Child and Getting to Know Your People-Pleaser — short, careful about pace, written to sit alongside therapy rather than replace it, for the weeks when the stall has a grip. It points whatever you notice back to session if you are working with someone.

What is on the two pages

Two pages, labelled on their face as a between-sessions practice and subtitled "Questions you can ask the part that delays, stalls, or waits to feel ready." The introduction describes the procrastinator as the part of you that delays, stalls, starts then abandons, or waits to feel ready — and settles early what the sheet is not: "It is not a set of tricks for getting more done." Its position is that a part like this tends to respond to genuine curiosity rather than to being argued with, called lazy, or shut down.

Page one carries the introduction, a boxed section called How to use this — five numbered steps that hold most of the method — and the first two question groups. Getting acquainted locates the part: where you notice it, whether it has an image, a shape, or a voice, whether it has a name, how old it is and how old it thinks you are, and how long it has been stalling for you. Understanding its job asks what it is trying to do for you when it stalls, delays, or waits to feel ready; what it is afraid would happen if you finished this and it was seen; what it has been carrying that you might not have seen; and what would help it feel a little safer right here.

Page two goes deeper in a set order: Its history, which opens with its own caution; Letting it know you heard it; Its hopes and needs; Building a different relationship, the one group gated behind a readiness condition; Afterwards; and a closing paragraph headed Good to remember. Crisis numbers are printed on both pages.

How to use it between sessions

The five steps come first. Ground first — then notice: look around the room, name a few things you can see, and feel both feet on the floor, keeping your eyes open if closing them makes you lose the room. Only then notice the procrastinator, which the sheet says may show up as a stall, a start that fizzles, a wait to feel ready, a tightness in the chest, throat, or belly, or the sense of circling a thing without landing. Second, check how you feel toward it: anger, fear, or "I just want this gone" is another part of you reacting, and you gently ask it to step back for a few minutes. The sheet also names the opposite case — if what you notice is agreement, "this is just how I am" or "I'm just lazy," that is the procrastinator speaking in your own voice, and the work is finding even a little space between you and it. If something in you does not want to step back, you do not force it; you get curious about that part instead, or stop for today.

Third, ask one question inward, then wait; answers can arrive as images, memories, feelings, or body sensations, and whatever comes, including nothing, is useful. Fourth, thank the part for whatever it shows you, even if it stays quiet. Fifth, know when to stop: if it feels like too much, stop, look around the room, and feel your feet on the floor — stopping early is doing it right, and the work can always continue in session. Both pages print the same crisis line: call or text 9-8-8, the Suicide Crisis Helpline, anywhere in Canada; 911 in an emergency; and Kids Help Phone (for young people) at 1-800-668-6868, or text CONNECT to 686868.

Who it is for and who should wait

The sheet is written for the practice's own clients — the introduction begins "In our work together" — for the weeks when the stall has a grip. It still reads on its own: the method, the questions, and the stopping instructions all fit on the two pages, and you do not need to use every question, only the ones that draw you in.

It is equally clear about who should wait, and on what. If a memory of harm, fear, or something you have never told anyone starts to open, the instruction — printed once in the how-to note and again at the top of Its history — is to stop, bring it to session, and not explore it alone. The sheet also names one situation it is not homework for: if someone punishes lateness, this is not homework to force a deadline with that person, and that is routed to session by name. The final group of questions, Building a different relationship, carries its own gate: only try them if the part has felt noticeably softer toward you during the conversation, and if it has not, staying curious is the whole practice — in the sheet's words, a full success, not a failure. There is a rule about promises too: if the part asks you for something, keep your side of it only if it is small, kind, and possible, and never an agreement to go into old memories alone or to force a deadline with someone who punishes lateness. A procrastinator that is promised the world and then forgotten, the sheet notes, will have a point. It is educational material, not therapy and not an assessment.

How it connects to therapy at TEO

The sheet speaks the language of parts work — a part with a job, a fear about what happens if it stops, a history, and a relationship with the you who can listen — which is the frame Internal Family Systems (IFS) gives to inner life. At TEO, IFS-informed work is offered by Mohamad Shabib, MACP, CCC, who holds IFS Levels 1 and 2 and sees clients by video in British Columbia, Ontario, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Newfoundland and Labrador. Between sessions, a sheet like this gives the conversation somewhere to continue at a pace you set; in session, the harder material it routes away from — old harm, a person who punishes lateness — has a person in the room.

What it asks you to bring back is modest. Afterwards has you jot down whatever you noticed — words, images, memories, surprises, or the fact that nothing came — with nothing to fix and no right answer, and bring the notes to the next session if you would like. Never getting around to it before you meet is, in the sheet's words, completely fine too. The closing paragraph, Good to remember, states the goal: not to become more disciplined, or to collect tricks for getting started, but to build a relationship where this part no longer has to stall to keep you from being hurt. If you would rather do this work with someone, the first step at TEO is a free 15-minute consultation; individual sessions are $150 per 60-minute session.

Common questions

About using this workbook

This workbook is educational. It is not therapy, not an assessment, and nothing in it is a diagnosis. If you are in crisis, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada, 24/7); 911 in an emergency. Kids Help Phone (for young people): 1-800-668-6868, or text CONNECT to 686868.

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If you want to go further

Working on this with someone

A workbook can take you a surprising distance on its own. If you would rather not do it alone, TEO offers virtual therapy in British Columbia, Ontario, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Newfoundland & Labrador — evenings and weekends, with a free 15-minute consultation first and no obligation afterward.

Related: Self-esteem & identity.

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